The Fiber Drink Diet

Whoever said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels,” is an utter idiot. Do you know the pain of looking a slice of pizza right in it’s beautiful face and saying “no?” Do you know the feeling of emptiness after passing the bowl of dinner rolls without taking one? Do you know how depressing it is to drive past Chipotle day after day and not stop? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you know that there are plenty of things that taste as good, no better, than skinny feels. Regardless, I pressed on for 24 whole days, making this diet officially my longest, by about 24 days, give or take. Here is a look at my 24-day challenge in review.

I had been toying with the idea of incorporating protein shakes into my diet and reducing my intake of carbs and sugar, so committing to the Advocare 24 day challenge made sense to me. I prepare by weighing myself, take down my measurements, and take a ‘before’ picture which I promptly sext to myself for later. I take the suggested “fitness” test which is a record of how many pushups I can do in 24 seconds followed by a 24 second plank. I can do a whopping 9 pushups and I am sore for days to follow. I meal plan, prep, and get all of my supplements sorted. TBH, I had no idea what pills I was even taking, I just followed instructions and hoped that a crash diet would get me beach ready by February.

10 Day Cleanse: I like to refer to this phase as the ‘pure hell’ phase and while you may think my title is not creative, do the challenge and then get back to me. You may remember that this phase is home to the fiber drink that caused me to gag on the reg. This shaped my experience and apparently has made a lasting impression on others because I have, on more than one occasion been asked, “how’s your fiber drink diet going?” Swimmingly. A quick tip for anyone doing this challenge: Use your shaker bottle. Advocare probably suggests this in the fine print but I am not one for details, so we’ll pretend like this is a big tip. I was lazy about stirring the contents and later discovered that if you use your shaker bottle to mix the fiber, it goes down much smoother. Still gagged, but perhaps less violently…? By day 7 I am really starting to see results. I have two chins instead of 4 and I feel more energized at the gym and throughout the day. I press on.

The Max Phase: At the end of the 10 day cleanse I am down about 6 pounds and move into the “max phase” which sounds like something straight out of an episode of the Jersey Shore. The supplements change slightly and I replace my fiber drink with a protein shake. What an upgrade. I like the overall taste and texture of the protein shake, however, when compared to other products, this shake mix contains a shit-ton of fake sugar. For the remaining 14 days, I gave up a lot for the cause. I steered clear of restaurants, happy hours, and social gatherings, because I could not deal with the temptation of fried food, nor do I feel like drinking water when surrounded by equally awkward people. I resisted temptation (with the exception of a handful of dark chocolate covered blueberries) and exercised regularly. Some days were fine, others I found myself wearing a swimsuit in the dressing room at Target, giving myself a motivational speech. Mind you, it’s the middle of January in Maine, so I’m sure that the fitting room attendants questioned my mental stability and reported me to DHHS. Still waiting for that phone call.

The Results:

I will spare you all from my before and after photos, but I do see a noticeable difference in my appearance. I also lost a total of 9 lbs, which is not too shabby considering it was over a period of 24 days. I lost inches off my hips and waist, and can officially complete 17 pushups in 24 seconds...

All in all, if you need a swift kick in the butt, I would suggest this program as a kick-start to a healthier life. While I will not resort to a life of eating salads on my couch on a Saturday night, I will certainly continue to incorporate elements of the program into my everyday, and maybe even create a grocery list before doing my grocery shopping. For now, I am going to go enjoy a healthy pairing of carbohydrates and wine. Here’s to hoping that I don’t undo all of my hard work before taking off for Costa Rica next month.

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P.s. The staff at Chipotle must be incredibly worried about me.