This Is Not A Health Blog

Did anyone notice that the title of this blog is “Coffee With Emily?” Did anyone also notice that the subtitle reads: “Or perhaps it should be cocktails with Emily…?” Yeah, well, it just so happens that Advocare strongly discourages the drinking of coffee or wine of any variety. Classic.

I am writing on day 12, the official half-way point of this 24 day challenge. I’ll do my best to quickly recap my experience since day 1, although I am trying to erase much of it from my memory. Day 2 and 3 were undoubtedly the worst. I was riddled with headaches and cravings, and would have done dirty, dirty things for a bag of Cape Cod potato chips. The fiber drink continued to cause a gagging effect until about day 8, when my body began to willingly accept the torture I was putting it through. Day 10 marks the final day of fiber and I have a minor, no major, celebration in the kitchen after choking down it’s contents. I reward myself with a juicy piece of pineapple. WHOOPIE! Days 4-10 kind of blend together in my mind because they are fairly boring, not marked by any great meals, cocktails, or feelings of accomplishment… And then, just like that, the cleanse phase is over.

Day 11 feels no different than any other day, except that I get to replace my fiber drink with a meal replacement shake. After going nearly 2 weeks without sugar, it tastes like the best vanilla milkshake I have ever consumed. After breakfast, I briefly go into my office to check the mail and find a Girl Scout Cookie order sheet on my desk. Are you f***ing kidding me? “Be strong,” I tell myself. I proceed to order $30.00 worth of Girl Scout Cookies. How’s that for strength? Relax. The cookies will not be delivered until February.

Not only does day 11 mark the end of the cleanse phase, but it is officially weigh in day. I step on the scale (for the 5 millionth time this week, because I expect to be dropping pounds by the literal second) and I am happy to discover that I have lost a total of 6.5 pounds and a number of inches off my waist, hips, and thighs. I have before and after photos but in order to share those publicly, I would need to be paid a minimum of $100,000 in cash. I am also able to do nearly twice the amount of pushups as I was on day 1. Granted, the number is still unimpressive, but hey, it’s improvement! I am pleased enough with the results that I decide to continue on for the final 2 weeks of agony. Tonight, a friend is coming over to teach my to make pizza with a cauliflower crust. Let me remind you that there is no cheese allowed in days 1-10. It is going to be a scary sight.

As I stated in my previous blog entry, this is not a health blog. However, if you are anything like me, you may be participating in this challenge and searching desperately for support or tips. I figure I should provide SOMETHING of value. Below I have posted a few of my very favorite recipes that are Advocare friendly. Whether you are dieting or not, try some of these healthy alternatives. Or, better yet, go sink your teeth into a fluffy loaf of bread.

If you are simply here getting a good laugh, I promise I will provide some new material next time (unrelated to dieting and exercise because I hate diet and exercise). Thanks for reading and supporting my newest ventures!

Taco Soup

This was easy to make and made great leftovers. I ate this almost every day until it was gone. It was much better than salad. The only thing that would have made this meal better would be a corn muffin or other form of highly-buttered carbohydrate.

Ingredients

1 lb. lean ground turkey

1 large yellow onion

1 can black beans

1 can kidney beans (red)

8 oz. frozen corn

8 oz. can tomato paste

1 can diced tomatoes

1 small can of green chilies

1 packet low sodium taco seasoning

2 cups water

Directions

Drain and rinse the black beans and corn before combining with full can of kidney beans, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, green chilies, and taco seasoning. Stir well and let simmer. Saute chopped onions and ground turkey until turkey is cooked through. Add meat and onions to the mixture and add 2 cups of water. Allow to bubble and cook for 15-20 minutes. The longer this soup sits, the better!

Cauliflower crust pizza

Honestly tasted just like normal pizza. We definitely used far more cheese than the normal dieter would consider healthy, but we’ll try harder next time. The prep for this is lengthy and dirties a lot of dishes, but after 10 cleanse days, it was well worth it.

Ingredients

1 cup riced cauliflower

3 cups shredded mozerella

1 tsp oregano

2 cloves garlic

1 egg

1 can diced tomatoes, fresh tomatoes, or “no added sugar” marinara.

Desired toppings

Directions

Slice cauliflower and blend in food processor. Heat processed cauliflower in microwave for 10 minutes to evaporate excess moisture. Mix cauliflower, 1 cup mozerella, oregano, garlic, and egg. Spread mixture evenly to cover bottom of pizza pan (the thinner the better). Cook at 425-450 for 20 minutes or until crispy. Top with tomato, remaining cheese, and your desired toppings (we chose fresh pepper, onion, and chicken sausage). Return to oven and broil on high for 5-10 minutes.

3 Ingredient “Cookies”

The word cookies is in quotations because in my opinion, they really aren’t a great substitute for a cookie, BUT they are tasty nonetheless and super easy.

Ingredients

2 bananas

1 cup quick oats

1 handful of raisins

Directions

Mash bananas and mix together with oats and raisins. Create little balls and place on a cookie sheet. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes.